You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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