everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
