I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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