My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
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