Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
