The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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