did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
