I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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