i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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