By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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