I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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