In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
