i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And then he peed in my hair
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
