I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
