Swine flu. Run for my life!
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
honey bunches of taint.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
