take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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