Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
