Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
