I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
