i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
