how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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