There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
