He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
