Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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