my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
