unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
