It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
