Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
