hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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