so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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