If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
