i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
