I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
