dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
