you turned your livingroom into a bong?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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