Rock
Scissors
Fuck
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
