she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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