I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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