Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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