You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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