Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
