I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I should be sponsored by Trojan
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
