I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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