Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
