awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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