last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
