You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
