My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
