my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
