if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just had sex on a roof
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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