Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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