I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
