"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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